I wish I'd written this!

DOG'S DIARY:

7am - Oh boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
8am - Oh boy! Dog food! My Favorite!
9am - Oh boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
2pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My Favorite!
3pm - Oh boy! The kids! My Favorite!
4pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My Favorite!
6pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My Favorite!
7pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My Favorite!
8pm - Oh boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My Favorite!
11pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My Favorite!

THE CAT'S DIARY:

Day 183 of my captivity...

My Captors continued to taunt me with bizzarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeed * must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmmn, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

Anyone who's owned a dog or cat will appreciate how brilliantly their respective natures have been observed! I picked it up on a forum - there was no author quoted but a Gold Star from me for a clever piece of humorous writing.